Fall apart

Well, here I am again. People who read my blog actually gave me superior encouragement to blog frequently.

Result is out and it showed that I did not do well. I did not cry this time because I have gone through once which was last year. Am I getting stronger? or I do not care anymore? There is mixed feeling but I chose to smile to the desktop screen while I opened up the result in the office. I forgot about it when I was talking to my friend but I know, I still do concern about it.

The next day, I open up the site again because I don't believe what it has shown there. When I opened it up again, my heart tared, somewhat I know, I really really really afraid but I still chose not to.

The good thing is I enjoyed second semester and I even enjoyed exam. I did feel stress at a certain point but I feel somehow good while taking the exam in the exam hall. I really glad that I sunk myself into this atmosphere, maybe is because I don't have the burden anymore.

I don't know what my parents will react this time but I really wish to ask my parents if I have the chance or daring enough, "Do you proud of having her as your daughter?" This question actually hunt me for days because I have not much thing to feel proud of myself. I do feel confident sometimes but I guess I have been living in the competitive environment and I couldn't get myself out of it.

But I do believe I will get rid of it,someday.

Thank you for reading once again, no worries, I am not weak as you think, will get back stronger.

Off to sleep :)

Love,Sarah♥

Speak out

I shall open up my heart again, I realized I have closed up my heart for long long time. I'm not so sure since when, I just started not to believe one so easily. My friend always told me, "Sarah, do share your inner voice, we are always here to listen you." I always wanted to apologize to them, I am so sorry if you are reading this.

These days, I realized I am being mean as I dare to confront people and question people, it doesn't seems right and somebody might say no wrong. There are too much of thoughts in my mind whereby most of them are negative,so sorry to say that.

I am living by myself everyday which means to be myself, not others. confused, right? However, I am trying to be frank nowadays.

I would like to say something to you.

My friend, one day, if I die, don't blame others or anything because I will die as I should.
Do not blame people if he/she is the reason of me being death, I lived happily.
Remember, do not blame, to God too because I have lived enough,

Even if I die tomorrow, I will not regret any single thing,
even I might feel regret because I didn't able to change the world.

I pray that the wisdom is with you. :)

Love,Sarah ♥